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Many of us have a love/hate relationship with our cell phones. We love the immediate access to information and the ability to quickly text a friend. But we dislike when we’re driving and everyone else in the car is absorbed on their devices, or when we’re talking with someone who constantly checks their phone.

It is even more of a challenge when we are responsible for youth who use technology. We find ourselves asking, how can we can best support our children in a world immersed in technology?

Research proves new technology can be highly addictive, and young people spend an inordinate amount of time using it. Studies detail the rush of pleasure kids experience when they win a game, or get likes or hearts on items they post.

Most of us worry about how to deal with our children’s use of social media and gaming. As specialist Alia Aizenstat said at a recent local workshop about teens and the digital world, most parents experience confusion, fear, concern, love and caring — all at the same time.

Aizenstat believes it important that parents understand the power exerted on our kids by the fear of missing out, which drives much of a young person’s online behavior. It’s the sense exciting things are happening constantly, and if they’re not online they will miss it. Or a friend might be upset if a message isn’t acknowledged right away. It can cause stress, anxiety, depression and, ironically, add to a sense of loneliness.

In establishing family behaviors to deal with these dilemmas, it’s important that adults serve as role models with their own use of devices, by putting the phone away when talking earnestly to each other, or when the family is having a meal together.

It can also be helpful to make sure there is no technology in a child’s bedroom overnight. Technology could be available in the living room or other public area, but not in the privacy of a child’s room. That limits screen time and makes sure parents can monitor content. Some families have also found it helpful to have a charging station in a shared space, with adults also limited to that area for charging. It’s helpful to set boundaries early so they are established as family expectations and not seen as a punishment.

Dr. Dan Brennan recently wrote an article reminding parents that oversight of social media is essential. Adults provide their child’s phone, and have the parental right to access their children’s social media and phone content.

He also urged us to remind our children that their social media footprint will last forever, and things they “like” today could prove problematic when applying to a college or a job. Creating a phone-free weekend or taking an afternoon hike where there is no phone reception will also help clear everyone’s minds, including adults.

Technology tends to foster a sense of urgency in all of us to react immediately to messages we receive. Let’s try to show our children by our example that patience remains a virtue, and direct human interactions are the most valuable and effective form of communication.

I appreciate expert research on the effects of technology on teens. As a parent, it helps me consider how we might apply these principles with our family. I also appreciate talking with others responsible for children as they deal with technology. Many have great advice, and almost all seem to share common concern.

If we set priorities early, and as a family unit, it can help us control our technology, rather than having it take us over. Let’s educate our children about ways to use technology safely, set boundaries that work for our households, and model interactions with one another that put people, not technology, first. It’s a good start.

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Susan Salcido is Santa Barbara County Superintendent of Schools.

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