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Dear Abby: Perfect guy outside becomes abusive at home
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Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Perfect guy outside becomes abusive at home

DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Dylan" for three years, engaged for two. I have a lot of insecurities about it.

We met right after my husband's death. Dylan was the perfect guy in the beginning. Looking back, I realize there were a lot of red flags.

He spends most of his time on Facebook or talking about his high school years. He is also secretive. He acts like the world's nicest guy around others, but when we're alone, he calls me stupid and insecure. I never knew what a narcissist was before, but I believe he is one.

I built a business, which has done very well. I'm liked by everyone but him. People have told me to run. Last week he broke my windshield because I asked him about his phone, which he is always using to text someone. My kids don't like him at all. Help me, please. -- UNHAPPY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNHAPPY: I am concerned about you. Because you now feel that your verbally abusive fiance could become violent (Exhibit A: your broken windshield), place a call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) and ask someone to help you craft an escape plan. Your next call should be to the police to file a report about that broken windshield. Your third should be to your family to find out if you and your kids can stay with one of your relatives.

It is important you get safely out of there, so do NOT disclose to this man any of the preparations you are making. It goes without saying that this engagement should be broken.

DEAR ABBY: I have an issue that I can't be the only one with, especially as our parents age. My mother has never been the cleanest or most sanitary of housekeepers. Everything "looks" neat and straight, but look closer and you'll realize her place is unsanitary and filthy.

When I visit, I am near tears the entire time. I'm not a clean freak, and this is not my imagination. A friend of hers contacted me to tell me she was concerned about Mom because she doesn't seem to notice how dirty her house is or that her food is spoiled. I'm embarrassed for her.

I've tried to talk to my mother about this many times in the past, but she just doesn't get it. I have had her carpets shampooed and brought in professionals to do deep cleaning. How can I tell her I can't stay with her any longer? -- GROSSED-OUT DAUGHTER IN MARYLAND

DEAR DAUGHTER: Tell your mother that you love her, and you have been concerned for years about her living conditions, which is why you hired professional cleaners periodically to help her. Delivering the message that you will be staying in a hotel when you visit is the least of your problems. Clearly, she needs more help than you can give her.

I, too, am concerned about the fact she doesn't know the food in her refrigerator has spoiled, and for that reason, I'm suggesting you discuss this with a social worker in the town where your mother resides. She may need someone to check on her regularly, ensure that her kitchen and fridge are kept clean and grocery shop for her. Believe me, you and your mother both have my sympathy.

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DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law "Brenda" often takes it upon herself to change a baby's diaper during social gatherings with family. She never bothers to ask the baby's parents if it's OK to do this, and they never solicit her help. For years, I found it a bit strange, but never said anything to Brenda or another family member.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Olive," moved to the West Coast three years ago. My parents, my two older siblings and I live on the East Coast. During this past year, Olive has grown more and more distant from us. She always has an excuse when we try to set up a group Facetime or even a phone call. This has happened dozens of times now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old woman who was adopted. I recently started dating an amazing man who happens to be of another race. My parents, whom I love very much, told me that if I stay with him, they will disown me. They have made many horrible comments about my relationship, and I'm at a loss about what to do. I love them, but I also love my boyfriend. Please give me advice. What should I do? -- HOPELESS IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old woman who was adopted. I recently started dating an amazing man who happens to be of another race. My parents, whom I love very much, told me that if I stay with him, they will disown me. They have made many horrible comments about my relationship, and I'm at a loss about what to do. I love them, but I also love my boyfriend. Please give me advice. What should I do? -- HOPELESS IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together since we were 21, and he has always had a distant relationship with his parents. I encouraged him during the first few years of our marriage to call them and visit. I stopped doing that after his mom and I had some choice words.

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