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Dear Abby: Heartbreak awaits sons when dad is released from prison

Dear Abby: Heartbreak awaits sons when dad is released from prison

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DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I found out my husband had sexually abused one of his nieces. He took a lie detector test, failed it and confessed. Learning the truth was devastating, and I felt like a fool for having believed him.

We have two children together, both teenaged boys. I had to give my boys the bad news about what their father had done and the reason I could no longer be with him. He had to move out because he was restricted from being with minors. There were so many changes.

Then came the news that their father was arrested and sentenced to six years in prison. I was emotionally drained. I have always been honest with my boys and have never kept anything from them. Because I've had to give them so much bad news, I have tried my best to give them the happiest times that I could. Soon after, he was sent away.

I received word that when he gets out, he will be deported to Mexico. This is something I haven't told my boys yet. They are talking about having a life with their father. When he gets out, they will both be adults. My youngest talks about living with him. When they find out, they will be heartbroken.

They have been doing so well. We've come a long way, and we're finally in a happy place. I don't know how or when to tell them. Should I do it now or wait until closer to his release date? I'm just over the sadness. -- EMOTIONALLY DRAINED

DEAR EMOTIONALLY DRAINED: Hang onto your happiness because you deserve all of it that is coming your way. You and your sons have been put through an ordeal not of your making. I see no reason to burden them further with this unhappy news until closer to the time of your husband's release. By then they will be older and better able to adjust to what it will mean if they choose to live with or spend time with their dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am an older woman who is not very attractive. I didn't inherit good looks. This bothers me because all my women friends are married or have been in relationships.

People say looks don't matter, but they are mistaken. The first thing someone sees is your face and physical presence. I keep myself neat and nicely groomed, but I'm not pretty. What do I do to lift myself from this depression? I'm ashamed of my face. -- FACING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FACING IT: Everyone has strong points that make them unique. My mother used to say that the most effective cosmetic is a smile. You might have better luck if you focus less on what you think you don't have and start concentrating on what you DO have to offer.

Not everyone is a beauty contest winner, and they manage to couple up and have healthy relationships with the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex). Do you have a special talent, a pleasing personality or a good sense of humor? You appear to have a serious case of low self-esteem.

The solution to your problem might be as simple as widening your circle of acquaintances by getting involved in activities you enjoy. But before doing that, it might be in your interest to talk with a licensed mental health professional for help in becoming less critical of yourself.

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DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

DEAR ABBY: I found out a year ago that my wife of eight years had an affair for three years with my best friend. Two months ago I realized she is still contacting him. I found out because I went through her cell records. She said she was just texting him about how he ruined our life. Now I have no access to them, and I suspect she's using a text app so I won't know. She keeps her phone with her all the time.

DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

DEAR ABBY: We live next door to an 89-year-old woman, "Estelle." She's a "snowbird," meaning she is our neighbor for only part of the year. She has a devoted caretaker, "Iris," who visits her almost daily. Iris shops for her, brings in her mail, and helps her with laundry, bathing and many other intimate tasks.

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DEAR ABBY: Last year I met a special man when I hired him to do some work related to my hobby. We easily fell into a friendship and have grown very close. We currently spend all our free time together. We talk every day on the phone, sometimes for hours. We are both divorced with children. He was married for 17 years and hasn't been in a relationship since.

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