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Dear Abby: Friend lets woman take the fall for her divorce
Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Friend lets woman take the fall for her divorce

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DEAR ABBY: "Darlene" and I have been friends for 40 years. She moved to Arizona with me in the '80s from Michigan. Her boyfriend drove out and convinced her to return to Michigan and get married, which she did, but she's always hated Michigan. She raised two girls. I was always called "Aunt" and was considered close.

Years passed and the marriage was struggling. I invited Darlene to come and visit to get away for a bit. She fell right back in love with Arizona. She expressed her unhappiness in the marriage, and I told her that if she ever needed a place to stay, she could live with me. She came out for another visit, found a job and decided to stay.

Her girls, now in their early 20s, were shocked and hurt by their mom's decision to divorce their father. One of them blames me, blocked me on Facebook and no longer talks to me. It has been three years, and when Darlene's daughter comes to visit, I have to stay away. Darlene refuses to talk to the daughter to smooth things out between us. I think she should do something to defend me. Am I wrong? -- WRONGLY BLAMED IN THE WEST

DEAR WRONGLY BLAMED: No, you are not wrong. You did Darlene a favor by welcoming her to Arizona, but you were not responsible for her divorce. It appears no good deed goes unpunished. She should not be letting you take the heat for the fact she left her husband.

Darlene should have explained to her daughter the marriage was an unhappy one for a long time, and regardless of where she chose to live afterward, it wouldn't have been near their father. Darlene and her daughter owe you an apology. Because you are required to stay away when Daughter visits, perhaps it would be better if Darlene found another place to live rather than your home.

DEAR ABBY: During my sister's pregnancy, she made very clear that the only people she wanted to transport her child would be her, her husband and our mother. I disagreed, but because of her pregnancy, I kept silent and abided by her wish that I not purchase my own car seat in the event of an emergency. (I don't have any children of my own.)

Now that the child is in day care, I found out through a third party that my sister has listed me as an emergency contact. The first question that came to mind was "Why?" but all I could do was acknowledge the information. Would it be out of line for me to ask her about this, and if she confirms it, to remove my info from her emergency contact? -- TAKEN ABACK IN THE EAST

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Emergencies DO happen. Lives can be changed in only a moment. Before listing you as an emergency contact, your sister should have asked for permission and discussed it with you. It would not be out of line to tell her you have just been informed about it and ask why she did it without telling you.

While you're at it, ask if the child has any medical conditions you're not aware of and EXACTLY what she wants done in an emergency situation. If you decide to follow through with this, you should know the name of her doctor, what -- if any -- medications the child is taking, and what hospital the ambulance should deliver the kid to if it becomes necessary.

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DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

DEAR ABBY: I found out a year ago that my wife of eight years had an affair for three years with my best friend. Two months ago I realized she is still contacting him. I found out because I went through her cell records. She said she was just texting him about how he ruined our life. Now I have no access to them, and I suspect she's using a text app so I won't know. She keeps her phone with her all the time.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter recently came out of the closet, and it has made my husband and me quite upset. She says she is "bicurious, pansexual and polyamorous." She now insists everyone call her by a gender-neutral name, gave herself a side shave and dyed her hair pink after we repeatedly told her not to. She wants us to refer to her as "they" and not "she."

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DEAR ABBY: Last year I met a special man when I hired him to do some work related to my hobby. We easily fell into a friendship and have grown very close. We currently spend all our free time together. We talk every day on the phone, sometimes for hours. We are both divorced with children. He was married for 17 years and hasn't been in a relationship since.

DEAR ABBY: We live next door to an 89-year-old woman, "Estelle." She's a "snowbird," meaning she is our neighbor for only part of the year. She has a devoted caretaker, "Iris," who visits her almost daily. Iris shops for her, brings in her mail, and helps her with laundry, bathing and many other intimate tasks.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a small business owner. My store has local (repeat) and one-time customers. The other day, while checking out, one of my local customers spewed out a verbal and extremely bigoted rant. I was stunned speechless. I felt I should do something, but I wasn't sure what it should be. I have started losing sleep over it. If it happens again, should I remain silent and keep the peace, or stand up for all Americans and lose this customer and probably more? -- FREAKED OUT IN FLORIDA

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