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Dear Abby: Discussing sex life with ex is the final straw for wife
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Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Discussing sex life with ex is the final straw for wife

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 19 years now. A few years back, I came to know about my husband's platonic relationship with his old girlfriend. She lives in a different state and is married.

My husband has long chats with her every day about everything, including our sex life. I confronted him and asked him to end their relationship because knowing that he wants me to do something in bed because his friend does it bothers me a lot. He promised at the time that he wouldn't talk or chat with her anymore, and I trusted him.

A few weeks ago, I discovered that he still chats with her every day, and he changed her name in his contact list to hide his relationship. I feel cheated on, and I want to end this marriage. Please help me. I don't want to make a wrong step. -- BETRAYED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BETRAYED: A couple's sex life is supposed to be private. Your husband and his supposedly platonic "friend" have both betrayed the trust of their spouses. That he would expect you to do something in bed that he knows she is doing is substituting your body for hers, and frankly, it strikes me as another form of cheating. Obscuring her name in his contact file illustrates that he has no intention of ending their relationship.

You feel cheated on because you HAVE been cheated on. It will continue as long as you allow it. Because you're afraid you will take a wrong step, start quietly gathering all the financial information you can and talk with several lawyers before deciding which one will work hardest to protect your interests and proceed from there.

DEAR ABBY: Due to COVID shutting schools down, my employer is now allowing staff to bring their kids to work if they don't have alternative child care. I bring my 8-year-old, and I have seen many other kids around. Most of them are well behaved and don't cause any problems.

However, we have a new employee, "Michelle," who has started bringing her 4-year-old with her. The child, I'll call her Autumn, is in her mother's office, but she's so loud she can be heard all the way across the building! I thought surely Michelle would close her office door and contain Autumn's "jolly" voice inside her own area, but she seems perfectly happy to let her daughter make as much noise as she wants.

I don't understand this. Other parents make sure their kids behave and act appropriately. What can I do to let Michelle and my supervisor know that while yes, she can bring her child with her, it's still her responsibility to make sure the kid isn't creating a distraction? -- TIRED OF THE NOISE

DEAR TIRED OF THE NOISE: I do not think it would be prudent to talk about this with Michelle, which is sure to make her defensive. You should, however, inform your supervisor that because Michelle's door is left open, her daughter's "jolly" voice is creating a distraction. If it has been causing a problem for you, the chances are it is doing the same for other employees and reducing productivity.



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DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman who has been married for four years. My husband, "Jerry," and I have two young boys. Jerry is military. I stay at home with the kids and work part time online on an associate degree. We struggle financially, but our basic needs are met and, overall, I'm happy with my life.

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DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were first married, I had no idea why his mother and sisters were so hostile. When they started treating our children the same way, my husband finally addressed the issue. We moved out of town, and he finally told me that when he was in his teens and early 20s, he had had sex with all of them, which was why they didn't like me.

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